How Psilocybin Transformed Your Neighbor with Ken Irwin

This episode is part of the Know Your Neighbor series on the Do You Feel Heard podcast, where host Ian talks with people about their lives and beliefs to build understanding. His guest is Ken Irwin, who works in finance in the oil and gas industry and describes himself as "a normal guy who figured out a lot about himself." Ken shares how he grew up, how he came to question the "map" he'd been given for life, and how a psilocybin therapy session at a state-licensed center changed his outlook.

Please note: this post summarizes one person's experience and is not medical advice. Psilocybin is not legal or appropriate in every place or situation.

Growing up in the Midwest

Ken grew up in southwest Missouri in a loving but modest family with young parents. His mother was 17 when he was born. He doesn't blame them: at that age, he says, even loving parents are poorly equipped, and the stresses they carried filtered down to the rest of the household. He was a curious, high-achieving kid, and he thinks that his questions were sometimes read as arguing. He learned to temper his hopes and to put the happiness of the family before his own sense of who he was.

"A map, but no destination"

Ian asks when Ken first felt there was something he was supposed to be doing. Ken says those bigger questions didn't come until his late 20s or early 30s. As a child, life felt like a path to follow, "a direction, a heading," more than a destination: school, college, work, family. The morals in the house were not exactly religious, but "religious-adjacent," with a clear sense of right and wrong that parents set and children were not invited to question.

Both men talk about how common this is. Ian says he grew up believing adults had the answers and would hand them down, and felt deceived when he realized that everyone is "winging it." That left him feeling inadequate for years, believing everyone else had it figured out. Ken agrees and says he and his then-wife made a point of telling their daughters that the rules are largely "made up," that parents are doing their best and will get things wrong, and that they should check in with their own intuition.

Intentions, not just actions

Ken describes how, while trying to protect his daughters from the pain he'd felt growing up, such as being teased for being one of the poorer kids, his choices could look materialistic from the outside. He has since learned how important it is to understand someone's motivation and not just the surface of what they do.

Ian builds on this with a lesson he's tried to teach his own son: there are no "bad words," only the intention behind them. A word is a sound, and the other person interprets it. If you intend to do good, how someone else feels about it is theirs to work through, not yours to tiptoe around. Both agree on the flip side: some people will misread you because of their own struggles, and it helps not to take that personally.

The trap of constant improvement

The conversation turns to negativity and perfectionism. Ken talks about family members who see themselves as positive but whose conversation is always "what about this, maybe this is better," and how that atmosphere can wear down a child. Ian points to a wider version of the same trap: a culture of constant improvement, and a mental-health world that can leave people focused only on what could be better instead of what is already good. Some level of acceptance, he says, is a missing balance.

Ken adds that for a long time he felt like he was "getting ready to start life" without realizing "this is it, it's not a practice run."

Burnout and a dark stretch

Ken traces the turning point to the years around 2020, when a mix of burnout, changes in his marriage and questions about fulfillment piled up. In early 2024 he and his then-wife separated, and by April he describes being in a very dark place, in emotional pain so intense he could no longer picture a different life and with thoughts of not wanting to exist. He started therapy in May and says he was lucky to find a therapist who challenged him in the right ways.

At the time, he says, he felt out of options. He had always been aware of psilocybin's potential benefits, and in early July he made a decision he describes as completely out of character: he booked a trip within days and left, without his usual need for a detailed plan.

The experience

Ken chose a state-licensed service center in Oregon, and he stresses why: some places cater to recreational users, while this one felt clinical in the best sense, like a calm, unassuming medical office, and was not "sterile white" or "boho chic." With a facilitator's help, he picked a larger room with windows onto a small garden. Even though he never went outside, the openness mattered.

About an hour and fifteen minutes into the session, he says, his life went onto a different path. His description is of a feeling of acceptance: it's okay, you're enough, I'm me. The worries that had consumed him, from bills to emails, stopped feeling like they mattered. He is clear that words don't do it justice.

What changed afterwards was practical as well as emotional:

• He stopped waiting to "start living" and began to appreciate the people around him who valued him.
• Perfectionism, which had stopped him from even starting things, loosened its grip.
• He spent the following days driving through the redwoods and down the California coast with no plan, and found he was fine with that.
• When he returned to work, colleagues noticed that his stress seemed to have lifted.

Ken says he is not without negativity or stress now, but that he tries to carry the feeling of caring and shared existence with him wherever he goes.

Sharing his story

Six weeks after the session, Ken wrote about his experience and shared it with friends. A friend who was struggling with the question of purpose in his 40s read it, went through the same program, and later thanked Ken for changing the course of his life. Ken says he had hoped the story might make some people reconsider their view of these medicines, and was moved by how much deeper the impact went.

Ian reflects on the larger picture: "there's so much more to this existence" than work, school, mortgage and retirement, all systems people made up. He encourages anyone who feels trapped by a career or lifestyle to explore other perspectives, and notes that a structured, supported setting can be one way to do that, though not the only one. For listeners who find the idea of plant medicine not for them, he adds that the important thing is to find some kind of structured support that helps you shift out of a limiting mindset.

Book recommendations

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. Ken's pick for understanding how trauma shows up in the body, and why many struggles are nervous-system responses and not conscious decisions.
• The Stranger by Albert Camus. A shorter, lighter read about a man who drifts through life without much direction, which resonated with Ken's years of going through the motions.

What Ken wants everyone to know

Asked what he would say if everyone on the planet were listening, Ken's answer was: "You are not the thoughts in your head." The inner voice that says something won't work or invents problems that don't exist is based on past experience and isn't who you are. It may be scary to try something new and you may mess it up a few times, but relying only on the past is not the way to learn something new.

If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide or self-harm, you don't have to go through it alone. In the US, you can call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) at any time.